Random Monday Thoughts: The Leaf On My Car Windshield Has A Foul Mouth


World… I know that Tuesday, November 8th is going to be one of the most important days in the history of modern civilization, but there is something else that has been on my mind for the past week-and-a-half… the leaf on my car.

Before you click away, stick with me here. (It’s stupid, so really, if you want to click away, please do… but if you want to turn your brain off for the next 30-45 seconds… hear me out…)

Okay… since Friday, October 28th, there’s been a leaf that has been stuck on my windshield wiper (passenger side). Part of me has been meaning to remove it, but my nerdy-self, working in conjuction with my laziness, decided to keep it on just to see how long it’ll last.

I figured it’d naturally fall off given the weather and the fact that I drive 60-75 miles every single day. But since Oct. 28th, it has just… stayed. It won’t leave (see what I did there?). Since that day… I’ve grown to admire its stubbornness. For some reason, I’m rooting for it to stay forever. And I’ll be sad when it’s gone.

Wanna know how pathetic I am? When I got into my car this morning… I looked at it and said, “Good morning.” What’s worse is that my brain somehow got a response that was along the lines of, “F*** you… I’m a leaf. Now drive because you’re late for work.”

The leaf on the windshield of my car has a foul mouth.

During my drive to work this morning, since it’s right in my line of sight, I found myself looking at it. Staring at it while at stoplights. I would sit there wondering whether it’ll just fly off as I drive 80mph down 195.

Mister or Ms. Leaf – This week is dedicated to you and your stubbornness. Who knows how long you’ll grace me with your presence? Who knows where you’ll go once you fly off into the crisp, completely clean wind of South Jersey?

I raise my coffee to you, Mister or Ms. Leaf. May your foul-mouthed journey continue without the threat of poisonous antifreeze.


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