The NJ Community Theatre Guide to Announcing You’ve Been Cast in a Show

Congratulations! You’ve hit the big time!

Okay, well, not really, but you will make damn sure that people think you did. You’re in New Jersey community theatre, damnit! And you want the WORLD to know that your Bachelors degree in Fine Arts wasn’t completely wasted.

Here are some tips on how to effectively announce you’ve been cast in a New Jersey community theatre production…

Tip #1 – Make it sound like you just signed a contract…

Sure, it’s only community theatre, but nobody else needs to know that. In your “announcement,” you should react to your casting as Alto #3 in Oklahoma the same way that Anna Kendrick reacted when she was cast in both Into the Woods AND The Last 5 Years. Make it seem like you just walked out of your agent’s office and as you were getting into your stretch limo, you graced us with the Facebook status informing us that you were cast… when really, you got a phone call from the mean stage manager nobody likes while you were serving tables at Applebees.

Tip #2 – Make everything “official”…

Use language like, “I have officially signed on to play the role of…” or “I have officially joined the cast of…”

When you use language like that, it makes it sound more like you’ve signed an equity contract… even though, in all honesty, the only thing you have signed is an “I promise to not write in pen in my MTI libretto” sheet.

Tip #3 – Make a bigger deal out of it than what it actually is…

Make it seem like this is the biggest thing to happen since Jennifer Lawrence’s nude photos. You’re confidence will be boosted slightly as your grandmother responds with a “I knew you’d make it!” comment on Facebook.

(Spoiler alert… you haven’t made it. Sorry, grandma.)

Tip #4 – Passive aggressively rub it in somebody’s face…

You auditioned for the role, and you got it! That’s right, you got it over the skinny blonde that always gets the role you want. So now, because you know she’s going to read your status, you need to rub it right in her skinny, salad-eating face. Write something passive aggressively such as, “And to all the haters, I’ll be sure to thank you in my Perry Award speech. Eat a burger.”

Tip #5 – Overplay the complexity of the role…

You need to make people believe that you’re the Meryl Streep of New Jersey community theatre – not just in your performance, but in your acting prep. Sure, you may not go full-Meisner during rehearsals and performances, but once again, your non-theater friends don’t need to know that.

In your “announcement,” mention how challenging of a role this is going to be, and how it’s going to push you to the artistic limits. Talk about how you’ve never played a role like this before (you have), and how you’ll have to work day and night to get it right (you won’t).

Tip #6 – Make it seem as if the production simply asked you to be a part of it instead of auditioning…

You’re special. People don’t need to know about the politics of your audition, they just need to know how important you are. While announcing your new role, subtly suggest that perhaps you are SO GOOD that you didn’t even need to audition (you did) and that they simply asked you to bless their stage with your incredible talent (they didn’t).

Tip #7 – Don’t mention that you’re not even remotely getting paid for this shit…

Seriously, don’t. It’ll ruin the little illusion we have going.

Tip #8 – Talk about how you’re excited to work with the cast…

“Oh my God! I am so excited to be joining this amazing cast! I can’t wait to get started!”

GIRL TRANSLATION

“I start rehearsals on Wednesday. I hope (insert name here) has a conflict that day, because whenever I see their face, I vomit slightly. Ugh… why are they even in this show?”

GUY TRANSLATION

“I Facebook stalked all the girls in this cast, I think I have a chance with a couple of them. #chorusgirlswatchout”

Tip #9 – Put up some cheesy quote from the show…

Finish your announcement off with some cliché quote or song lyric from the show. For example, “This is going to be a great experience! #NoDayButToday” or “I can’t wait to get started! #OneDayMore”.

The cheesier, the better.

Tip #10 – Talk about how you can’t wait to play this role… even though you really wanted the lead…

You got cast in the show! (YAY!) … but not in the role you wanted (aweeee)…

Still, you need to make it seem as though your role is just as important, if not more important than the lead role you wanted in the first place. Your non-theater friends have no idea that Chorus Boy #5 in Peter Pan is only onstage for a total of three minutes… so make it seem like Chorus Boy #5 is the moral fabric of the entire production…

Tip #11 – Always start it off with, “I am so happy to announce…”

You must always make sure that you start every announcement with “I am so happy to announce that…” It’s just a rule. It’s like you’re holding a press conference via Facebook. It’s pretty much the Rule now that you have to begin your status with that. If you don’t, people won’t care as much… if you do, people won’t care as much…

It’s a win-win.

BONUS TIP – Announcement Template

Still need help? No worries. The next time you’re cast in a NJ community theatre production, you can use the following template:

I am so happy to announce that I have officially signed on as (insert character name) in the (insert production company name)’s production of (insert show name)! This is a dream role of mine, and I cannot wait to take on this incredible challenge. All of my training has lead me to this point in my life, and I am so happy that it is starting to pay off. This cast is so incredibly awesome, and I cannot wait until I start (insert verb here) with them. To all the haters out there who are talking trash about me being cast in this show, just know that I hear EVERYTHING and you can go (insert verb) yourself right in the (insert orifice). Can’t wait for this journey to begin! Message me for ticket info. #(insert cliché line from the show)


Written by Kyrus Keenan Westcott

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