The Danger of Being a Flirt – 12 Tips, Tricks & Things to Avoid When Flirting

Flirt – (verb) To behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but for amusement rather than with serious intentions.

Hello. My name is Kyrus Keenan Westcott. And I am a flirt.

“WHAT?!” – #SaidNoOneEVER

TYPES OF FLIRTING

To me, there are four different types of flirting:

Type #1 – The “I Just Want to Have a Conversation with You and/or Make You Laugh” Type of Flirting

  • This is usually reserved for a co-worker, someone who is in a relationship, or a stranger such as a waiter/waitress that’s WAY too excited about their job. (Like seriously, relax. You can’t be THAT excited, right?!)

Type #2 – The “I’m Just Testing the Waters” Type of Flirting

  • With this type of flirting, you’re feeling out what is okay to say/do, and what is crossing the line. (To fart joke, or not to fart joke… that is the question.)

Type #3 – The “I Find You Attractive, So I’m Gonna Try to Not F— This Up” Type of Flirting

  • This is reserved for when you are single, and the person you find attractive is single … so your nervous flirtation is the result of you not wanting to say the dumbest thing that’ll just ruin everything.

Type #4 – The “I Simply Just Want to See You Naked” Type of Flirting

  • This is self-explanatory. (Or, at least, it should be.)

To anyone that is the flirting initiator, they know the difference between the four. They know which category they’re going for right off the bat. Of course, one may lead to another, but generally, the flirter will know immediately which type of flirting they’ll be going for as soon as they open their mouth.

THE ISSUE

Here where the problem lies – the flirter may know which type of flirting they are doing, but the FLIRTEE (the person who is being flirted with) may have a more difficult time to differentiating which type of flirt you are – and THAT is when issues begin to arise.

Quite often, you may be flirting with someone utilizing Type #1, but the flirtee will take it as if you want to have sex with them, or that you are interested in them romantically, when ultimately, you may not be.

That is where the danger really starts to rise when it comes to flirting. All too often, there are misunderstandings, or mistakes, or miscommunications that can lead to bad things. (Like hurt feelings, or stab wounds.)

There is a certain awkwardness that can happen when it comes to flirting. Potential friendships and relationships can be virtually ruined when the two participating parties are not on the same page. Many of us have learned this from personal experience.

For example, there is nothing more awkward than Flirt-Failing with a co-worker, or a friend that you know you’re going to see every day in near future. Holy cow, that’s awkward.

FLIRTING TIPS & TRICKS

I’ve been single for about a year-and-a-half now, and being able to freely flirt with anyone I wanted has had its ups and downs. Flirting for me is extremely fun, especially if the person I have been flirting with has been giving it right back to me. It’s fun, and seeing/talking to that person is something that you look forward to each day. There’s nothing more fun than flirting while you’re single.

But over my year of flirting and dating while single, I’ve had successes, awkward results, and outright failures. With that said, here are 12 things that I have learned about flirting while being single over the past year:

  1. ALWAYS SMILE – The easiest and safest form of flirting is a simple smile. Sometimes that is enough. (Unless your teeth look like a Lord of the Rings battle scene … in that case, you’ll need hot tea and an orthodontist appointment.)
  2. NO INNAPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR – Avoid childish behavior, such as poking or messing up their hair, or punching them in the neck (or shanking them) … avoid such behavior, especially if you’re a guy. Though they may okay with it, they may start to view you as an immature person.
  3. ALWAYS MAKE EYE CONTACT – I cannot stress this enough … ALWAYS make eye contact with the person you’re flirting with.
  4. HONE YOUR LISTENING SKILLS – Ask questions and listen. If you show a real interest in another person’s thoughts and opinions, they will become more comfortable with you. (The opposite sex loves when you’re a good conversationalist. Seriously, nobody wants to have a conversation with themselves … well, maybe Donald Trump.)
  5. DON’T TENSE UP – Try not to tense up. When I flirt, I tend to tense up and freeze sometimes. Just stay relaxed and trust yourself. Just try not to look like you’re standing outside in a snowstorm with no shirt on – that is not a good look for you, trust me.
  6. DON’T TAKE THINGS TOO SERIOUSLY – Try not to take the flirting too seriously. Most of the time, for me at least, I flirt just for the fun of it. I don’t go in expecting anything. I have done so in the past, and as a result, I left extremely disappointed. This has happened with people that have flirted with me as well.
  7. COMPLIMENTS ARE GOOD – People love to get a compliment. Don’t bullshit the compliment though, just be as honest as possible. My flirtatious compliments are always sincere, I used to bullshit some compliments, but people can see right through it.
  8. CONTROL PERSISTENCE & INSISTENCE – If a person is not interested, don’t persist or insist. There is nothing worse than a desperate flirt. It’s a huge turn-off to most people. (I think the only thing worse is a desperate flirt who’s been drinking.)
  9. IF YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED – If some flirts with you and you are not interested – tell them. You should always tell them, especially if they’re flirting is taking things a step too far. Be upfront and honest. (This is something that I am still trying to work on, it’s quite difficult, especially if you’re a nice person and don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.)
  10. NO LEADING ON … EVER – If there is one thing that people hate, I’ve learned, it’s being led on. Don’t lead someone on with your flirting. That’s when expectations start to enter the fold, and then things start to enter dangerous territory. I’ve been on both sides of this, and it’s a potentially sucky situation.
  11. KNOW WHERE & WHEN TO FLIRT – There are places to flirt, and there are places NOT to flirt. No matter what the ending of the movie Wedding Crashers may suggest, funerals are NOT a good place to flirt.
  12. TAKE IT SLOW! – Take things slow when flirting. See if the flirtee is showing interest in you as well. You need to read them, particularly their body language. Perhaps your flirting can lead to a simple date. Whatever you decide, don’t make a move unless you’re sure that they might be somewhat interested as well.

IN THE END

Flirting can be fun. Really, it SHOULD be fun. Just know that communication is VITAL. Bad communication can lead to bad flirting situations. And bad flirting situations will lead to you being arrested by Olivia Benson…

DUH-DUH <——- Law & Order sound effect.

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